changes.

its common sense that people change over time.
havent you ever wondered if you changed for the right reasons ?
like whether you either changed for better or for worse ?
even if you do change for worse, its hard to notice until its almost too late.
unless someone points it out for you.
then maybe you have a chance.
&im not saying its impossible to change back once youve headed down the wrong road.
but it is really hard.

&i cant help but wonder if im heading down that same road too.
asdlkfjdsalkfjdsaldsa.
bleh.



i know most girls know its common to get called a whore or slut.
but sometimes when you hear it so much,
it gets you thinking what people really think about you.
cause usually when people say theyre just joking ..
more often than not theres some truth to it.
so yeah, for all of you that think this about me,
no im not a whore thats been with 23432094832093029434 guys.
&no, im not a slut. im still a virgin, thanks.
the guys i date & the ones i become interested in are legit.
theyre not just bc i want a boyfriend, or anything like that.
i actually like him.
so stop spreading shit that you have no clue about.

i wont write you a love song.

talk about a crazy mix of emotionss.
i feel like im just all over the place.
just got a little too much going on haha.

ive been doing some thinking,
cause i obviously cant keep everything the way it is now.

one thing i know ive been struggling with for awhile,
i decided its not worth it.
i mean when the other person even says i should move on,
might as well take his advice right ?
if hes not even gonna try why should i.

&even though some cute stuff has gone down,
i cant make the same mistake of being so blind.
gotta keep my guard up.
especially when its definitely a possibility that im just his backup girl.
&NO girl should be okay with that.
so we`ll see what happens.

the same thing could sort of apply to the next issue.
except im pretty sure my friend made it clear he has no interest.
&that hes just flirtatious in nature.
so im thinking its not worth it.

&of course, theres still other stuff going on,
at least i think i know what i want this time.

.. but you learn to expect the unexpected,
so you never really know anything for sure
because it could change within an instant.

trust.

if you trust someone completely, its like youre putting your life in their hands.
or in some cases, youre putting your heart in their hands.
hoping that theyll take care of it & they wont break it.
by putting yourself out there for that one person to hold,
youre risking a hell of alot.
a risk i dont think i was ready to take.

i guess you could say ive been free falling without a parachute,
not knowing where i was going to land.
i was hoping id land somewhere safe.

instead, i landed smack in the middle of every girls worst fears.
in that moment that you land,
you feel your heart literally pounding outside your chest,
you cant breathe and your thoughts are racing.
deep down you know what the truth is,
but you cant admit it to yourself.
you just want to believe that he didnt do it,
that hes still the same guy you once knew.

but of course its never that way.
even after you open up to them,
so they know the little things about you that make you so vulnerable.
they reach that point of no return,
&they alone are the reason why you put up walls and let no one in.
theyre the reason for why you fake a smile,
but inside you know youre hurting.

you always think, "he`ll be different."
he`ll be the one that i can open up to,
&he wont hurt me.
he wont be like them. he wont use me this time.

in the end, you know youre wrong.

--------------


for someone so anal about promises and lying,
you sure act like a fucking hypocrite.
if you like to be straight forward about issues,
be a man & own up to what you say,
instead of me doing it for you.
me making you tell the truth.
me confronting you about the issues.