justin lee.

aka my husband.
he gave me a sad face to inform me that i havent updated this in awhile.
so its kinda dedicated to him.
even though any of the deep shit that goes down in this blog will have no relation to him.


ANYWHO.
its been QUITE awhile.
damn you APs !
&not to mention the CHOREO SHOW [ which was amazinggg btw :D ]
[ p.s rhetorical device just used, except i forgot which one ): ]



now for the majority of people that read this,
you probably know the latest of my most dramatic news.
now im not gonna sit here & type up a shitload of crap about him,
so im just going to address the dilemma & move on.

i do realize im only in highschool & that im just a junior.
but theres some things that you just know you felt.
whether or not i could call it love, thats for me to decide later on in life.
but i will tell you, it was more than just your average crush or feelings for your boyfriend/girlfriend.
it was legit im not gonna lie.
the vibe i got, the connection i felt .. it was just .. different.
everything had been set in place for me to just completely fall for him.
all i had to do was jump.
&for awhile, i couldnt.
theres alot more than meets the eye, & i am no exception.
i will let you know that i do have trust issues.
i was convinced to put my guard down & let him in.
and i did.
whether or not i regret this, im not completely sure yet.
in my perspective at the time, yes i was a total psychotic bitch & i was pissed off like no other.
i said some things that no one should probably hear in their lifetime.
one of them was that famous line, "this was the biggest regret of my life."
im still trying to figure that part out, so bear with me.
for those of you that have been there on this up & down journey of mine,
you have clearly & repeatedly told me this was a mistake.
as much as i want to agree, to be honest im not sure if i can. at least not yet.
[ if you are clueless to what happened, he basically screwed me over. ]
to bluntly put it lol.

what sucks is that people just assume, its just high school she`ll get over it.
i TRULY dont think anyone realizes how hard i fell for him.
its not something that someone can fix just by saying "sorry".
telling me that hes not worth my time & that its no big deal & to get over it,
as much as i want to, it doesnt really help either.
although i do admit, my attempts to move on are coming along quite successfully.
it took me awhile to move on though.
it may seem like i moved on quickly, but its really been a slow process.

dont get me wrong though.
im not still dwelling over this subject.
im merely discussing it in this blog for updating's sake. hahaha.





so justin,
i hope this blog somewhat satisfies you.
i would write about other "situations",
however those are underdeveloped & i need more time before it can be something juicy to write about.
hahaha, i wonder if that even made any sense to you.




to everyone else & justin,
after APs, i have a favor to ask of you all.
a friend of minee said that he really liked my poems after reading them all,
&he wanted me to continue writing.
so, im gonna try something new out.
if you give me topic suggestions, ill write up the poem.
whether it be something random, a dedication poem about you, a poem for your loved one, a poem for your own emotions & you need something to relate to, a friendship poem etc.
this is just an experiment that im trying out in honor of my friend's feedback.
HOPE YOURE HAPPY SPECIFIC FRIEND.
i wonder if you even know that im talking about you.
ahahahaha.

k, BYE.