since i'm stuck at home ..

i don't think anyone reads these anymore ..
so i guess i'll just use it to just write stuff out on my mind.

liiike my new years resolutions ?

1: stop chasing after things that will never happen and are a lost cause.

2: be more chill & not overly excited.

3: avoid drama at all costs.

4: don't eat sashimi.

5: stop over worrying about the future & focus on the present. aka go with the flow.

6: get a job.

7: don't forget who you are & stay true to yourself.

mylife.

to be honest,
i don't think it has really hit me yet.
that i'll never be going back to the same high school.
that i'll probably never see the majority of my classmates ever again.
i mean, i can't really feel this content knowing that my future is extremely uncertain and that i won't be seeing numerous people again for my lifetime.
it's like i won't miss it here at all.
i'm dying to get out of the house every day, every night.
i'm so anxious to move out and just be on my own.
but can i really handle it ?

as for drinking, who knows what my future holds.
i hate the taste of beer.
apparently everyone drinks in college.
most people think i already do.
i don't really even know what holds me back.
i use personal reasons. whether or not they apply to me .. well i don't really know.
why am i so hesitant ? yet so willing to try ?
people have this image of me.
that i'm this crazy outgoing girl.
maybe i just want to fulfill their expectations.
but i'm not one to care for others' opinions.

boys.
men.
sex.
i actually kinda want to wait until marriage.
crazy isn't it ? me .. waiting until marriage.
and i really only have one reason: i don't want to get pregnant before i'm married.
i don't want to be a teenage mom.
sorta pathetic, i know. trust me, i've heard your opinions.
"that's why they invented condoms, the birth pill, etc"
still. one night of fun isn't worth the consequences it could hold.
and as we go to college, girls are exposed to more than just their neighborhood guys.
college men are more dangerous.
college is your new gateway to the wonderful world of STD's, rape, & heartbreak.
but not to worry, it's also your new gateway to life-lasting friendships & love.

if you know me well, you probably know my life story with guys.
if you know me REALLY well, you know i overanalyze my relationships & i tend to panic.
panic about the future and long term committments.
and i dont just mean long relationships .. i'm talking about marriage.
yes, i'm that crazy and i think that far ahead.
i psyche myself out.
i mean i do have other reasons for why i end relationships.
but underneath it all, i'm just scared. scared shitless and untrusting.
i don't like being tied down at such an early age.
i just sit there and ask myself, "is this the guy i'm going to marry ? holy shit i'm gonna end up with him for the rest of my life ?"
and then i get to thinking, "there are so many people i have yet to meet, and i'm going to just settle for this one ?"
it's really not an insult to the guy.
i just freak myself out. i'm just so young.
these guys i end up with, i would never see a reason for it to end.
i would just see it lasting long enough to the point where we'd get married.
even though i wasn't sure i could see myself marrying him.
but when would the relationship ever end ?
yeah, i'm crazy. i know.

but this one was different. or is he ?
i tend to say that every now and then.
but is it ever true ?
it'd be helpful if i ever knew.
can i really make it through these next few months, & still feel the way i do ?
i really don't know .. but i wish i did.
there are so many things i miss .. so many reasons for me to run back to you.
i'm so close to caving in.
each time i feel my will to resist wear down.
this really is the worst.
at least if i knew you didn't want me, i could move on.
at least i would know there's no hope with you & i could convince myself that you're not the one.
but how can i ? .. it's true, i can't.

i've concluded also, that i think too much.
i overthink things a lot.
yet i'm a chill person.
i like going with the flow.
i am a hypocrite within myself.
amongst my own ideals.
funny thing, isn't it ?

just one night.

i walk down the dark & winded street,
the leaves rustle.
as i step, they crack.
what a long night it's been.
the cool wing embraces my skin,
it feels surreal.
was i really there ?
had you seen, what i've just seen ?
.. you couldn't have .. i couldn't have.

a tug on my hand, i leave.

morning shines,
the day starts anew.
yet the vivid images of last night can't seem to escape my mind.
retracing my steps to this .. place.
where am i, really ?
my head floods with pain.
i feel dizzy.
what happened last night ?

flashing back,
the warmth of my skin,
the sloppy grin on my face.
wild & untamed,
i conquered the night.
or did i ?

i race out of bed,
the mug of coffee crashes on the floor.
seriously, where am i ?
my head throbs, my stomach churns.
clutching my stomach, something doesn't feel quite right.
i look down.
who's shirt is this ?

my body hurls,
my head flung over,
i'm spilling my guts out.
how ? why ?
no answers.
just flashbacks.
just pains, aches, & misery.

i just couldn't say no .. could i ?

congested disease.

the pressure runs up my face.
this perfect image of you, slowly fading away.
my vision is impaired,
youve become nothing but a blur.
my sinus aches in pain.

the luring scent of your cologne,
it lightly caresses me, but i smell nothing.
the headache worsens,
the very scent that once drove me insane,
now does nothing for me.

my head is spinning, im blacking out.
you rush to my side.
like a fairytale, you force your lips onto mine.
but im too congested,
the kiss was unbearably tasteless.

im so numb, i no longer feel your touch.
you let me be, you turn away.
i have no voice to call after you.
im screaming at the top of my lungs,
but i have uttered nothing more than a whisper.

this disease has taken all of me.
staggering to the floor, i admit defeat.
white flag in the air .. the towel thrown into the ring.

my tirade.

theres no escape ..
i just cant relate.
these tears, so bittersweet.
your jacket, my pain.
your embrace, my agony.
your laughter ..
such a sweet, sweet melody,
poisoned by my tirade.

this desire just doesnt feel complete.
never has my insecurity blinded me so strongly.
your eyes, they kill me.
one look and i breakdown and shatter.
these tears, so bittersweet.
the heart aches,
so withdrawn and naked.
vulnerability clenches my heart.
your soul, still my life.
your tears, my guilt.
your sympathy, my chaos .. and hatred.

you saw what i have never seen in me.
your heart ..
poisoned by my tirade.

the boy who cried wolf.

the cry for wolf .. i fall for it everytime.
foolish enough to believe every sentence, every word.

i trusted you when you said, "ill stop."
but you .. youve just shattered my faith.
my gaze upon you will never feel the same.

the lies--they pierce your tongue,
but you feel nothing, for your senses are so weak.

those soothing words of comfort .. how they caress me so,
only to burn me later, as you drink and smoke away.

sober yourself the f*ck up for once and open your eyes:
youve been on that high for so long, you dont even realize.
every false word you promised me
has only come to disappoint and deceive.

im sick of caring more for your health than you ever will,
im done with denying the person you keep choosing to be.

over and over i care so much for you,
but the pain you project onto me ..
i just cant let it burden me anymore.

when you prove that you can change,
that youve grown up and have actually used that brain,

maybe .. just maybe .. ill forgive thee.

untitled.

how is this so difficult for me to comprehend,
for me to differentiate between right and wrong, now or later ?
every step feels like a mistake or some huge regret.

i stay in bed, not having to face the day ahead.
everytime i think about taking another step,
i immediately retract.
this must be wrong,
i cant be doing this right.
stuck at a crossroad with no roads to choose,
my mind feels more and more cluttered as i try to simplify everything.

the rush of emotion overwhelms me,
im left short of one breath.
im down under helpless and confused,
waiting for someone to come rescue me,
but i cant even shout for help.

bittersweet void.

with the cross and uncross of an old friend's path,
or the intimacy of lovers entwined.
i feel the spatial distance created,
with no tension to tempt me back.

i feel lost hope for a path crossing,
no longer is there a spark to entwine my love.
once captivating me with your charm, i am no longer under your spell,
yet i cant help but feel a bittersweet void,
only to be filled by a better memory of you.

how i dream of the days when you meant so much more to me,
and how i long for some sort of sympathy.
youve entangled yourself into my thoughts with no intentions of leaving,
yet you insist on this distant friendship,

making it so hard to understand,
.. but never forget.

the.very.best.friends.ever.

as my senior year is winding down & i begin a new chapter of my life, there are so many memories i cherish and friends that i am grateful for. i wanted to write a note and tag people who have been a major part of my life and have been there for me through thick and thin, people i hope to never lose as friends. (i copied and pasted from facebook into a blog.)

first and foremost, the biggest change in my life recently began with scott pekich.

scott pekich.
like i have said so many times before, words can not express how lucky i am to have you as my boyfriend. everyday i always wonder how i was fortunate to be in a relationship with someone as amazing as you. your smile brightens up my day, your hugs melt all my frustration and anger away. its crazy to think i only met you at the end of my junior year. you swept me off my feet and you give me respect and trust, which i have learned to give in return. its something im not really used to, but i appreciate your patience with my insecurities. you always know how to make me laugh and i feel so comfortable and at ease with you. it always feels like i never get to spend enough time with you and i dont ever get tired of you. every memory i have of you, i cherish. and i hope there are many more to come. youve given me every reason to trust you, and i care about you more than i could have ever imagined. im the luckiest girl alive to have you in my life. i really do love you, scott. i dont know how else to express how i feel. thank you, for everything.<3


samantha wong.
its hard to believe that ive known you for over eight years, yet each year gets better and better. from ice skating to boys to school, our gossip has always been fun. (: i have been and always will be extremely grateful to have you as my best friend. you can relate to me so well and our telepathy skills are so in tune, its kinda scary haha. you have been the one girl that i can always cling to in our group, because .. well we are pretty much the only two. we girls gotta stick together lol. we always have so much fun, whether its our own version of sign language in your dad's car singing on the way to healthsouth, giving boys code names with cereal brands, getting annoyed by the guys, intense poke war at fall rally, matching outfits, holiday skating routine, etc. there are so many memories i have with you that will always remain in my heart. its so hard to put into words how much i will miss you once we are in college. i dont know what ill do without you. you mean so much to me, and i never EVER want to lose you as a friend. i love you and you are so smart and amazing. despite whatever insults andrew lee has for you, i believe in you. i have no doubt that you will become a very happy and successful woman. i admit i miss the study buddy days when we were so young, and all we had to worry about was getting out of the pool an hour early to blow dry our hair and brush it 100 times. but nothing could replace our journey of growing up together. transitioning to middle school, when we just started skating at western. and finally, when we got to go to the same school. high school. thats when all the fun boy drama began, and we were in over our heads. with our insanely similar schedules yet NO classes together hahaha. with all our AP classes and drama, we were swamped. but we stuck it through, and have become older and sophisticated women. i am so proud of you, sam a wham bam. i love you, with all my heart.


mei kameda.
girl where do i even begin ? this year definitely hasnt been the same with you here. especially in choreo. there are so many moments when i wish you were there to experience with me. but i know through everything, we are and will always be close. you are the older sister i never had, and i can never thank you enough for all the things you have done for me. the awkward "group" dates, the amazing sleepovers, the tiring-exposing-how-out-of-shape-we-are walks up the hill to the penn center for pinkberry, the notes we wrote to each other, our infamous notebook, the sisterhood, the boy traumas, the good and the bad. when i lost hope of finding a best friend, i was blessed with the sisterhood and out of that bond i was blessed with you. high school would have been hell without you. its so hard to put in words how much i care about you, and how strong our friendship is. through all my complaints, leaps of joy, tears of pain, and excited chatter, you have been there listening and giving advice when i needed it. you really are my other half, the ying to my yang. i dont know what i would do without you. i thank you, for everything you have done for me. i love you.


sarah sax.
sarah, sarah, sarah. you are a best friend, i never ever plan to forget. one i hope to keep forever. youre honest and sincere, a bitch when you need to be. so therefore we relate well :D even when it hurt, you gave me the truth. its nice to know that no matter what, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you think that i deserve the truth. i dont know if ive ever told this to you, but the way you dance, always has inspired me. your choreography and the moves you love, influence me. when i choreograph, i can see parts of you in it. when it comes to dance, i have always admired you and i think we'd be two choreographers always working together and just completing each other. aside from dance, though, you have without a doubt been a best friend to me as i hope i have been for you. its hard to think about a school life without seeing you every other day, so i say thank the heavens we have facebook (: i promise to call once in awhile to check on the soon-to-be senior. and, of course, ill visit choreo. i just want to thank you for everything and let you know that you have made an imprint on my life, one that ill never forget. i love you so much sarah, &i wish you the best of luck with colleges, as they draw nearer.


andrew lee.sigh. andrew. hahahaha. im just kidding. who would have thought that the fobby nerd playing the saxophone my freshman year would turn out to be my best friend. our friendship has never been perfect, but theres not a single moment i regret. i know ive told you maybe once or twice in my life, but i deeply appreciate everything you have ever done for me. and i hate to see us part after this year. i wish you the best of luck at college, but know that i will still always be here for you and that i love you. you are my best friend, and no one can ever replace you. although it seems stupid now, i can honestly never thank you enough for the time you came to pick me up when i was kicked out of my house. you cheered me up and ill never know how to repay you. so much more was going on than you knew, but you never asked. you just took me to pinkberry and lent me a shoe :P whenever i needed a clear answer, you have always had your head on straight, giving me what you thought, whether i liked it or not. even though i always made fun of you, i hope you know that underneath the gibes i really do love you and care for you. i hope we stay friends for a long time, andrew. because honestly, i dont know how i could survive without a little bit of you every now and then (:


cara shin.
girrrl, weve been through so much shit. hahaha. but youve been there for me through thick and thin. youve always had my back, and you know i will ALWAYS have yours. you make life exciting and fun, but i know that you also have a good and smart head on your shoulders. you know right from wrong, good from bad. i can trust you with anything. you tell it like it is, without the bullshit. i am so thankful to have a friend like you, and i cant thank you enough for all that you have done for me. you have left an imprint on my heart, one that can never be erased. i love you with all my heart and i assure you, i will always be here for you. im just a phone call, text message, or IM away. (: i will admit though, that i miss our good old del amo days, boy hunting hahaha. all the dances we hitted up last year. we were the SHIT. hahahaha. i definitely see more good times coming in our future. i love you cara dear ! always have, always will. thank you so much for everything<3


alex park.
alex, you have been the angel on my shoulder, my conscience. and for that, i can never thank you enough. yet at the same time, you have been the annoying but extremely funny friend. to your surprise, i miss the days of our handshake. yes, THE handshake where you flew me across the room haha. and the typed out birthday letter you wrote for me. [which i still have]. that letter meant a lot to me. more than you probably know haha. but really, i have so much to thank you for. when i was a mess, throwing myself left and right, you stopped me and put my head back on straight. youre always watching out for me, especially with them boysss. hahaha (: andddd you give some of the best hugs. im gonna miss those hugs. wherever college may take us, i hope we will still talk and catch up when we can. i dont ever want to lose you as a friend. you mean too much to me. so thank you, for everything you have done for me. i love you and care for you so much. <3


eugene naka.
eugenie (: where do i even BEGIN with you. how about the bajillion thank yous i owe for you putting up with my bullshit and my drama. for sitting through it all, still listening, still caring, and still giving me advice. im a bitch to you, youre a bitch back. but in the end i know that im very lucky and fortunate to have such a great friend like you. you annoy me, i annoy back. you got my back, i got yours. and i am sorry, for what happened so long ago. and i could never be more thankful that you still stuck by my side, and that we became such amazing friends. youll find that girl soon, i promise (: as long as you stop flirting with those freshmen you pedophile. hahaha just kidding. really though, i am sooo appreciative of you. you feed me, give me advice, listen, put up with everything i go through. as a friend who knows all sides of me, you still accept me. and thats really all i can ask of you. thank you times a bajillion times. youre the best (:



xavier kuo.
big brother ! ah how i miss you so much all the time. its kinda lame how i really only met you so late in life, but its amazing how close we've become. i can trust you with anything and you always know just what to say. but im also glad that i can be there for you too. it showed that you trust me too. you always know how im feeling and you can always relate. aside from the drama, we can talk for hours straight about THE MOST random subjects ever. and i absolutely love it. although i miss our long facebook comments and late night talks, i wouldnt trade our friendship for any other in the world. you mean so much to me, and its nice to have someone to call my brother since my brothers are so much older than me. growing up, i always felt like an only child, but you were able to fill in that big brother gap. so thanks, for everything. love you bro.


philip mccarroll.
philip. oh dear philip. what we've been through. our friendship is weird, that i dont doubt one bit. but out of every single person i know, you can relate to me the most. you always know what im going through, because you have already been there yourself. youre always so interesting to talk to, proposing such thought-provoking questions. all my insecurities seem easier after talking to you. youre a different kind of friend, and i mean that in a good way. i really do miss you. i dont see you as much as id like to. but like i have said before, and ill say it many times more, i dont expect anything back from you. i dont expect you to say anything back, i just expect your honesty and sincerity. which is what i usually get from you. which is what i love about you. you never say something you dont mean and youre blunt. when i need answers, you give me what youve got. if someone were to look at our friendship as a 3rd person, i dont think they would see what i see. but i dont really care. i value your judgment and i really do care for you. so thank you, for everything you have done for me. i dont know what i would do without you as such a great friend of mine (:


kristoffer osea.
KRIS OSEA. gah how i fucking miss you so ! i miss everything about you. i miss our car rides and our long talks and gossiping. i miss talking to you about everything in my life, all the details and the drama. despite our lack of talking, you still mean so much to me and i am still here for you 24/7. i bet youre all mature now since youre in college .. HAHAHAHA (: we need a starbucks run and we need to catch up. i miss you so much its redick. there are so many times where i was like OMFG I WISH KRIS OSEA WAS HERE. life is not the same without you, and that is a fact my dear friend.


colin takahashi.
oh colin. its crazy to think that ive known you since elementary school and that youre already a junior and im a senior. im so glad we became so close. we dont hang out as much as i like to, but i definitely enjoy talking to you whenever we do. we talk about anything, and i love that we can always confide in each other. you know that i am always here for you and that i care about you so much. youre an amazing dancer and i kinda hope you continue dancing once youre in college (: hahah. i miss you and love you boy<3


donald kim.
DONNNYYYY. hi. hahah. i love that our senior year, weve been able to see each other more, especially during lunch. im really glad we have and definitely thankful. i hope youll keep in touch with me once we go our seperate ways, because ill be in need of you every now and then. i always love talking to you, you can always make me laugh. i still miss those days in biology class freshman year. it seems so long ago, and i wish i could go back in time, just to be in that class one more time. i was bummed we didnt really have any classes together. im gonna miss you so much after highschool, i can only hope we'll stay close. thank you for putting up with me during some of my worst times ( i.e crying on the bus ride home from dcon) haha. i honestly appreciate it. i know it must have been awkward for you, but i just needed you there. andddd the longass talk we had after fall rally that one time. i really miss those special days where we'd just talkfor like HOURS. i really do. i love you donald kim. ill miss you<3


sydney kim.
SYDNEY KIMMM. damn. its been awhile. since middle school. oh how i miss the days of rating men ! and our asian group back at pvis. those were the fun days. its so crazy to think we're actually seniors going off to college. i wish you the best of luck at northwestern, and please promise to keep in touch ! i just want to thank you for all the talks we've had and the laughs we shared. you and i always seem to get each other, especially when it comes to boys haha. im gonna miss you so much. so thank you, for everything girl. <3


chris chiang.
CH-CH-CHIANGSTA. damnnnn. from junior year with bio and precalc together, we got so close. and for that i am so thankful for ! youre a wonderful friend. i always love talking to you. we laugh sooo much and have so many things to talk about. we're always on the same page and i always have fun with you. you are definitely a friend i want to keep for life. (: so PLEASEEE lets leave highschool with a BANG. party it up at dcon in yo presidential suite. ill be looking forward to it. im sure we can get speakers and a good ipod. :D im gonna miss you so much and i love you !



morgan martinez.
im not sure how youll see this, since youre not really a computer person, but i just couldnt leave you out. we have been friends for so long, beginning with sixth grade. i can still remember the days in 4th period, with our sugar cookie and hansens kiwi strawberry drink in hand. we were amused by light up pens and had so much fun. now as seniors we can still have so much fun. i love our tv nights completed with mac n cheese and kool aid. not to mention our cookie making skills (: im gonna miss so many things about our hangouts and ill definitely miss you. i hope we keep in touch, despite our difference in college choices. we have been through so much together, and i can only hope there are many more to come.


ben kaing.
benny. haha wow its been what, six years now ? wow. hahaha thats awhile. through those years, there was a long gap where we didnt really talk, but im definitely glad we started talking again. i love talking to you, our conversations are so interesting. i enjoy every minute talking to you, and i definitely appreciate how much you care and how much i can trust you. i guess we'll never really know what would have happened, but i had fun while it lasted. especially all the coldstone ice cream. hahaha. you know im always here for you and that im just a phone call away (: you mean so much to me, and i am so glad we stayed friends.


ryan nguyen.
bestie haha. i was so glad that i decided to at least message you. it was well worth it. i meant everything that i said in my letter. i really do miss you and care for you still. you have always been an amazing best friend to me, and i can only hope i was the same back. i appreciate all you have done for me, including listening to me rant and vent, but also giving me words of advice. i still see you as a best friend in my eyes, and i dont plan to change that. i meant what i said about keeping in touch every once in awhile. thank you for everything. i miss you.


stacy kwon.
oh stacy. i love talking to you, and you are so much fun. i miss hanging out with you and talking to you. youre a smart girl and im gonna miss you so much. promise to keep in touch, because id hate to lose you as a friend. i definitely love our sex talks [ LOL ] and our talks in general. girl you and i get along like peanut butter and jelly (: i love you girl ! im gonna miss you so much<3 thanks for all the good times, laughs, memories, and intense talks.


justin lee.
justinnnn. although we dont talk often, i still care and love my husband (: i always love talking to you and you always make me smile. youre such a blast to hang out with and i was being serious about loving our talks ! youre someone i can talk to for all hours of the day. you and i just click. it doesnt matter when we saw each other last or when we last talked. we'll just catch up quickly and pick up where we left off. thats definitely one of the many things i love about you. i love you husbanddd<3 :P


abby howard.
abby ! ahh we have finally reached senior year. im gonna miss attempting to study at your house while we pigged out and just talked. im gonna miss that alot. i also miss having you in so many of my classes. youre so much fun to talk to and we get along so well. when you get into your fifty bajillion colleges, let me know which one you actually end up choosing and how far away youll be :P im gonna miss you so much abby, love you<3


chris nahm.
im not sure how youll see this because youre never online anymore. but you have been such a great friend to me, putting up with all my mood swings and bitch fits. we always got along so well, and had the best conversations. im not sure what happened, but i definitely miss those days. those days when we were just best friends and nothing more. but i dont regret us at least trying. we made many mistakes, but ill still cherish every memory. i just wanted to say thank you for all the shit youve dealt with cause of me, and for handling it so well. for calming me down when i was hysterical and for making me laugh while i was bawling my eyes out. thank you, for everything.


blaine ohigashi.
damn boy ! ive known for you less than a year yet we've become so close. i love love love talking to you cause we talk about everything and anything, and nothing is ever awkward. you and i get along so well and we just get each other. thats what i love most. youre so amazing and you are one SIIICK bboy. maybe we'll end up at ucla together. as freshmen instead of campers. hahaha. i miss you and camp especially. i am so glad to have met you. and i definitely appreciate our talks about your girl problems and my boy problems and well .. everything in between ahahaha. :P



there are many other friends who i could thank endlessly.
i just really needed to make my thoughts known to the ones who have done so much for me.
from beginning to end, you guys are the ones i have been able to count on no matter what.
i can never thank you guys enough.


xoxo,
rachel.

more intense than i expected ? haha.

this isnt for a special occassion.
or because something amazing just happened.
this is for the undeniably good luck i had .. well still have.
it still blows my mind to this day that its real and happening.
that i could find .. perfection ?
but obviously nothing is ever perfect.
so how is this existing ?

&i just know, its not a figment of my imagination.
i know its real.
what i see. what i hear. what i touch. what i smell.
the embrace of warmth and comfort.
the chill up my spine.
the skipping heartbeat.

i know, it seems ridiculous.
what could be so amazing that it could stimulate such a hair tingling experience ?
but its true, i swear it.

the sparkle that puts me under a spell.
the sound that melts my heart.
the fragrance in the air that whips me away from everything else.
the softness that make me want to just lay there forever and never leave.

then there are the quirks.
the sudden outburts of laughter.
the spontaneity.
the .. "unique" moments.
the torturous and immature fits.
the irreplaceable urges.

its just .. him.
im not saying its love.
im not saying it isnt.
im just saying its him.

the way he makes me smile.
the way he melts away all my troubles as soon as he holds me in his arms.
the way he randomly kisses me.
the way he just suddenly makes a random and weird noise.

just thinking about it all puts this unstoppable smile on my face.
like it is right now.
hahaha.

there are so many other qualities about him that i could list.
but why bother ?
you already know hes amazing.
you already know hes my favorite.
you already know im smiling stupidly in front of my computer.

theres just no point in even rambling on.
just know, that a perfect combination exists.
the stud look with the sweet, funny, nice, caring, weird personality.
the one thats loyal and doesnt toy with your heart.
hes real and he exists.

.. hes just already taken.<3