more intense than i expected ? haha.

this isnt for a special occassion.
or because something amazing just happened.
this is for the undeniably good luck i had .. well still have.
it still blows my mind to this day that its real and happening.
that i could find .. perfection ?
but obviously nothing is ever perfect.
so how is this existing ?

&i just know, its not a figment of my imagination.
i know its real.
what i see. what i hear. what i touch. what i smell.
the embrace of warmth and comfort.
the chill up my spine.
the skipping heartbeat.

i know, it seems ridiculous.
what could be so amazing that it could stimulate such a hair tingling experience ?
but its true, i swear it.

the sparkle that puts me under a spell.
the sound that melts my heart.
the fragrance in the air that whips me away from everything else.
the softness that make me want to just lay there forever and never leave.

then there are the quirks.
the sudden outburts of laughter.
the spontaneity.
the .. "unique" moments.
the torturous and immature fits.
the irreplaceable urges.

its just .. him.
im not saying its love.
im not saying it isnt.
im just saying its him.

the way he makes me smile.
the way he melts away all my troubles as soon as he holds me in his arms.
the way he randomly kisses me.
the way he just suddenly makes a random and weird noise.

just thinking about it all puts this unstoppable smile on my face.
like it is right now.
hahaha.

there are so many other qualities about him that i could list.
but why bother ?
you already know hes amazing.
you already know hes my favorite.
you already know im smiling stupidly in front of my computer.

theres just no point in even rambling on.
just know, that a perfect combination exists.
the stud look with the sweet, funny, nice, caring, weird personality.
the one thats loyal and doesnt toy with your heart.
hes real and he exists.

.. hes just already taken.<3

college apps & high school memories.

college apps have me on a love-hate relationship. i hate it cause its stressful to write so many essays, attempting to have every single aspect of your application perfect. whats even worse is that once you reach this point, you cant really do anything to get in a few extra club positions, get a better gpa, or any of that. you just kinda have to accept what you have and go with it.



and then you think to yourself, damn if only i had just gotten things done a little sooner, thought about this back in freshmen year.
but seriously, like that would have happened.
when i think about it now, i would think its so important to be thinking about college in ninth grade.
but lets get real.
my freshman year, my goal was just to get those As and do my homework. i had absolutely no idea which colleges i liked or what i wanted to do.



with that said, college apps make you reflect on yourself. put you on a journey of rediscovering who you are and whats most important to you. what events were life changing.
its just amazing to look back on my years in high school and just contemplate how much ive changed. going from someone with no purpose to someone who actually has a sense of direction is a huge change.
and just the way i have matured and the way my actions and emotions have altered.
just noticing the friends that have changed, new and old.
the emotional rollercoasters of romance.



sometimes you wish you could just stay close with everyone and have that tight bond forever.
deep down, you know that it cant happen, that its not true.
ive had my fair share of gained and lost friends,
along with that typical emotional rollercoaster of romance.


once you realize you cant keep every single friend, since people change, you discover who mean the most to you and who will stay with you til the end.
im fortunate enough to have found them, and i love them with all my heart.
i hope i never lose the close bond i have with them, because i know friends like mine dont come around that often.
but im not gonna lie.
its still depressing to know that all these people youre used to seeing all the time will disappear in an instant.
/:

as for the emotional rollercoaster, haha. been there, done that.
i am a definitely firm believer of staying friends. and why not ?
and even if i am in high school and i thought i found love, who's to say i havent ?
how would anyone else know besides me ?
and no, im not saying ive loved every guy ive fallen for.
cause i certainly havent.
yes i liked them a lot, but love is different.
teenagers get stereotyped for the "puppy love" and thinking its foolish that some of us could feel and understand love.
thats cause we got a majority of stupid dipshits that say i love you every five seconds in every single relationship from the first til the twentieth.
i mean seriously, whats so bad about saving the love for when you actually feel it ?

that doesnt mean dont ever use the word love, or even be afraid to admit you feel it.
if you can honestly say that you loved the person during that time, but then realized later on that you were mistaken, then oh well.
we make mistakes, we're human after all.
at least you were going with what you were feeling, and not going by what you "should" say in a relationship.


but anyways. i got carried off with high school/life lessons.
back to college apps.

.. college apps.
those two words put together can be so intimidating.
this process is pretty much determining the next four years of my life and the outcome of my future in general.
its so hard just to press that submit button, to finish filling out the application, to finish that essay.
it can either make you or break you.
wherever i go to college shapes such a huge part of my life.
and how do i even know that the majors i have listed are what i REALLY want to do ?

i plan on double majoring in psychology and dance.
idk if its just me, but i feel like later in life ill realize the passion was never there.
and end up with some job that i despise.
i dont want to be one of those people who dread going to work for their entire lifetime !


anyway,
i feel like im going to be leaving so much behind, embracing a whole new chapter of my life.
a HUGE ASS part of me cant WAIT for college.
but then im still attached to my home and my friends here.
its just irreplaceable.
and ill just be honest.
im scared.
maybe its wrong to think this way, but what if i just dont end up successful in life ?
all these life questions pop up and make it so hard to move on in life.
here, i just do my school work like im supposed to, then do whatever else i want.

so carefree.


but then i feel like i really DO know what i want to do.
dance gives me such freedom.
all my emotions just flow out and i escape into my own world.
and seriously, psychology is just so interesting.
i love my psych ap class.

but is it enough to live off of ?
how do i know ill be able to live the priveleged life i live now ?

seriously, pv kids are so spoiled.
unlike most of my peers up on the hill here, i actually worry about not living this way forever.
i dont live in a fucking bubble in this snobby area.


alright.
im done contemplating and being all philosophical.
peace suckas.

p.s PV sucks major ballsacks.
college, here i FUCKING come (:

update just for justin :P

school starts in less than two weeks.
fuck my life.

well i hope everyone's summer has been pretty awesome.
i know mine has been amazing.
i miss everyone from camp to the max.
we need to keep in touch otherwise i might as well go commit suicide.
well okay not really but id be extremely depressed.

so as i promised justin,
i am updating my blog.
not that i think many people read this thing anyway.

where do i begin ..
um yeah okay.
so camp escapades is fun & all.
but doing all three weeks, yeah WAY TOO MUCH.
im always tired as fuck & i feel like im just gonna collapse and die.
but at the same time its so much fun & i enjoy every minute.
except for set up and clean up lol.

at pepperdine, i met one of the jabbawockeez !!
he even taught a dance.
that i will never ever forget. EVER.

europe was very fun but tiring.
tons of hot european boys.
none that i ever talked to.
i just admired from afar.
but damn, the view was so nice ;D

&of course,
how can we not mention summer love ?
the season of hook ups & break ups.
i know i definitely found something. (:

the only bummer that can sometimes get in the way is .. college.
many people say the high school/college relationships dont last.
&maybe theyre right.
but you never know unless you try, yeah ?
so good luck to all of you who are gonna try and make it work.
you have nothing to lose if you try so what the heck.
you might as well.
but of course, if its just not the same then you should end it.
im willing to give it a shot.
even if this is my second time trying.
lets just say .. the circumstances are a bit different.

soooo .. yeah.
besides that not much else to update with.
sorry justin.
peacee.



p.s this will probably sound retarded, but im sorry i couldnt do poem #3,
its a little bit more complicated for me to write than i expected.

take that damn chill pill.

youd think by the end of the year,
everyone would be excited for summer & enjoying their last few weeks in school.
OBVIOUSLY not the case.

i dont think ive ever seen this much teenage angst so concentrated in one time period.
what the fuck, fellow peers !

let me just tell you right now,
i do realize prom causes a huge commotion.
or however you spell that damn word.
but getting pissed off wont solve anything.
especially right when youre about to leave for college.
not a good way to end things with your high school buds.
i know its pricy, so GUYS props to you.
youre the ones who we girls owe such a fantastic night to.
to add to that,
DONT FORGET ANYTHING.
its a pain in the ass if you forget your id or the bid or your clothes or your phone or whatever.



as for the AFTERPARTIES
whether they be after prom or even just a party,
be careful and BE RESPONSIBLE.
dont drink & drive.
you dont want to do anything that will cause you tons of shit the next morning.
both literally & figuratively.
dont be stupid and assume that you have to lose your virginity on prom night.
lose it when you fucking want to.
not because the mass media tells you to.


as for everything else in life,
stop creating drama out of nothing.
if your lives are a tad boring at the moment, then SO BE IT.
creating drama is for the people who want to stick a huge label over their ass and say,
"IM A LOSER WITH NO LIFE SO I CREATE MY OWN DRAMA TO SEEM COOL."
lol.
that just made me laugh haha.

for those of you who actually have LEGIT reasons to be angry,
im sorry ):
i wish you all the best of luck &im here for you !
<3


so yeah,
i realize this might be a lame blog.
actually a lot of my blogs are probably really lame.
i just ramble when i dont want to study.
WOOOO.

in conclusion.
take that damn chill pill and ENJOY YOUR LAST FEW WEEKS OF SCHOOL.
and you all better enjoy SUMMER.
damn i cant wait. haha.
HIT ME UP THIS SUMMER FOOLS.

dedication poems part 1.

first poem requests:
[ i decided to keep all poems that im writing to anonymous. if you requested a poem, youll know its yours if you read carefully. also, each poem will be around 10 lines. ]

#1:
you got the tough boy image with the muscles to match,
and theres quite a few ladies whod say youre a good catch.
but as your wife i can tell you that theres so much more,
you have endless qualities that i completely adore.
rough around the edges, but sensitive inside,
i know you truly care and to you i can always confide.
youre passionate about everything you do,
for that i give you my respect & my admiration too.
youre just a stud all around, that i have no doubt about,
so fyi, all those other boys better watch out. (:




#2:
if i had to describe you in one word, it just simply could not be done,
for you are amazing, caring, funny, smart, and talented all in one.
from your crazy laughs to your goofy smile,
you make my stressful life so worthwhile.
i am entire grateful to dance with someone like you,
i dont think you realize the way you influence me too.
you keep me out of trouble and make sure my head's on straight,
i give you advice to make sure you know which boy you wanna date.
i am at a loss for words to express my appreciation for you as my best friend,
i promise you we'll forever stay tight til the end<3

more than meets the eye.

you havent felt the feeling of rock bottom until you have a few of your close friends tell you that youre going down the wrong road.
youve never been more confused about your life then at that moment.
youre stuck in a bubble of what you think of yourself and not caring what other people think.
youre in the bubble for so long, you become ignorant of the crapload of shit being spread about you.

when you just dont care what other people think of you, its still possible to have those moments where you let people's opinions dictate your life and how you feel.

im not gonna lie.
its tough shit to go through when you have people constantly spreading shit about you.
so that when you turn a corner, you hear someone talking crap, "oh yeah shes such a slut, no one really likes her. what an attention whore."
yeah it kinda gets to you.
especially when they know absolutely nothing about you.
everyone thinks they know your life story, but they honestly dont.
&it gets tiring after awhile when you hear people constantly saying, "oh you have so many guys all over you .. blah blah blah."

.. to be honest, i really dont.
im not a girl pimp, im not a hoe, im not a slut.
ive never been drunk in my life, im still a virgin.
stop spreading shit you dont know nothing about.
i havent hooked up with millions of guys.
i dont fall for guys easily.
in fact, i have a hard time trusting guys at all.
no, im not full of myself like i know a good few of you are.
i do have insecurities, i just try not to show them.
in reality, i actually have quite a few insecurities.

theres alot more to me than meets the eye,
so why dont you try getting to know me before you spread your shit.

even when most of you think you know me .. think again.

FOR STACY'S SAKE.

the whole update down there ..

"i was convinced to put my guard down & let him in.and i did." "[ if you are clueless to what happened, he basically screwed me over. ]to bluntly put it lol."

I WAS NOT REFERING TO SEX.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA

k thats it bye.

justin lee.

aka my husband.
he gave me a sad face to inform me that i havent updated this in awhile.
so its kinda dedicated to him.
even though any of the deep shit that goes down in this blog will have no relation to him.


ANYWHO.
its been QUITE awhile.
damn you APs !
&not to mention the CHOREO SHOW [ which was amazinggg btw :D ]
[ p.s rhetorical device just used, except i forgot which one ): ]



now for the majority of people that read this,
you probably know the latest of my most dramatic news.
now im not gonna sit here & type up a shitload of crap about him,
so im just going to address the dilemma & move on.

i do realize im only in highschool & that im just a junior.
but theres some things that you just know you felt.
whether or not i could call it love, thats for me to decide later on in life.
but i will tell you, it was more than just your average crush or feelings for your boyfriend/girlfriend.
it was legit im not gonna lie.
the vibe i got, the connection i felt .. it was just .. different.
everything had been set in place for me to just completely fall for him.
all i had to do was jump.
&for awhile, i couldnt.
theres alot more than meets the eye, & i am no exception.
i will let you know that i do have trust issues.
i was convinced to put my guard down & let him in.
and i did.
whether or not i regret this, im not completely sure yet.
in my perspective at the time, yes i was a total psychotic bitch & i was pissed off like no other.
i said some things that no one should probably hear in their lifetime.
one of them was that famous line, "this was the biggest regret of my life."
im still trying to figure that part out, so bear with me.
for those of you that have been there on this up & down journey of mine,
you have clearly & repeatedly told me this was a mistake.
as much as i want to agree, to be honest im not sure if i can. at least not yet.
[ if you are clueless to what happened, he basically screwed me over. ]
to bluntly put it lol.

what sucks is that people just assume, its just high school she`ll get over it.
i TRULY dont think anyone realizes how hard i fell for him.
its not something that someone can fix just by saying "sorry".
telling me that hes not worth my time & that its no big deal & to get over it,
as much as i want to, it doesnt really help either.
although i do admit, my attempts to move on are coming along quite successfully.
it took me awhile to move on though.
it may seem like i moved on quickly, but its really been a slow process.

dont get me wrong though.
im not still dwelling over this subject.
im merely discussing it in this blog for updating's sake. hahaha.





so justin,
i hope this blog somewhat satisfies you.
i would write about other "situations",
however those are underdeveloped & i need more time before it can be something juicy to write about.
hahaha, i wonder if that even made any sense to you.




to everyone else & justin,
after APs, i have a favor to ask of you all.
a friend of minee said that he really liked my poems after reading them all,
&he wanted me to continue writing.
so, im gonna try something new out.
if you give me topic suggestions, ill write up the poem.
whether it be something random, a dedication poem about you, a poem for your loved one, a poem for your own emotions & you need something to relate to, a friendship poem etc.
this is just an experiment that im trying out in honor of my friend's feedback.
HOPE YOURE HAPPY SPECIFIC FRIEND.
i wonder if you even know that im talking about you.
ahahahaha.

k, BYE.

dedicated to you, lover of watermelons.

dont know how i can bear to see your face,
so filled with pain and out of place.
with every word that escapes my lips,
they have no effect as your world slips.
im trying to pull you out of your dark abyss,
but still you keep your mask of heavenly bliss.
this is the last straw, as you prepare to take your life,
please why wont you listen to me, just put down the knife.
you have the rest of your long life to live,
you have everything but your life to give.
just grab onto my hand and never let me go,
i promise we'll make it, dont tell me we wont.
i know everything feels like its spinning out of control,
just know that i will always be here to comfort & console.
the feeling of loneliness is all in your head,
for you are never alone, you have me instead.




yes i do realize its a bit over dramatic. [ really though, its sorta not. ]
but its for you & im just here to say i love you & that you mean so much to me.
you know ive told you,
when you hit rock bottom, the only direction you can go from there is up.
well its still true & im here to help you make your way back up.
ive been there with you since day 1 & nothings gonna change that.

changes.

its common sense that people change over time.
havent you ever wondered if you changed for the right reasons ?
like whether you either changed for better or for worse ?
even if you do change for worse, its hard to notice until its almost too late.
unless someone points it out for you.
then maybe you have a chance.
&im not saying its impossible to change back once youve headed down the wrong road.
but it is really hard.

&i cant help but wonder if im heading down that same road too.
asdlkfjdsalkfjdsaldsa.
bleh.



i know most girls know its common to get called a whore or slut.
but sometimes when you hear it so much,
it gets you thinking what people really think about you.
cause usually when people say theyre just joking ..
more often than not theres some truth to it.
so yeah, for all of you that think this about me,
no im not a whore thats been with 23432094832093029434 guys.
&no, im not a slut. im still a virgin, thanks.
the guys i date & the ones i become interested in are legit.
theyre not just bc i want a boyfriend, or anything like that.
i actually like him.
so stop spreading shit that you have no clue about.

i wont write you a love song.

talk about a crazy mix of emotionss.
i feel like im just all over the place.
just got a little too much going on haha.

ive been doing some thinking,
cause i obviously cant keep everything the way it is now.

one thing i know ive been struggling with for awhile,
i decided its not worth it.
i mean when the other person even says i should move on,
might as well take his advice right ?
if hes not even gonna try why should i.

&even though some cute stuff has gone down,
i cant make the same mistake of being so blind.
gotta keep my guard up.
especially when its definitely a possibility that im just his backup girl.
&NO girl should be okay with that.
so we`ll see what happens.

the same thing could sort of apply to the next issue.
except im pretty sure my friend made it clear he has no interest.
&that hes just flirtatious in nature.
so im thinking its not worth it.

&of course, theres still other stuff going on,
at least i think i know what i want this time.

.. but you learn to expect the unexpected,
so you never really know anything for sure
because it could change within an instant.

trust.

if you trust someone completely, its like youre putting your life in their hands.
or in some cases, youre putting your heart in their hands.
hoping that theyll take care of it & they wont break it.
by putting yourself out there for that one person to hold,
youre risking a hell of alot.
a risk i dont think i was ready to take.

i guess you could say ive been free falling without a parachute,
not knowing where i was going to land.
i was hoping id land somewhere safe.

instead, i landed smack in the middle of every girls worst fears.
in that moment that you land,
you feel your heart literally pounding outside your chest,
you cant breathe and your thoughts are racing.
deep down you know what the truth is,
but you cant admit it to yourself.
you just want to believe that he didnt do it,
that hes still the same guy you once knew.

but of course its never that way.
even after you open up to them,
so they know the little things about you that make you so vulnerable.
they reach that point of no return,
&they alone are the reason why you put up walls and let no one in.
theyre the reason for why you fake a smile,
but inside you know youre hurting.

you always think, "he`ll be different."
he`ll be the one that i can open up to,
&he wont hurt me.
he wont be like them. he wont use me this time.

in the end, you know youre wrong.

--------------


for someone so anal about promises and lying,
you sure act like a fucking hypocrite.
if you like to be straight forward about issues,
be a man & own up to what you say,
instead of me doing it for you.
me making you tell the truth.
me confronting you about the issues.

a dedicated blog.

i dedicate this blog to a friend,
a friend who i hope to have til the end.
hes funny, hes smart, hes kind, hes sweet,
without him, i would feel so incomplete.

he knows how to put a smile on my face,
he knows about my not-so-secret place.
hes kinda weird and doesnt always make sense,
but he knows just what to say so im not so tense.
hes got some groove in his moves and a style worth your while,
to top it all off he can run a pretty fast mile.

he hates trying new things like peanutbutter & jelly,
if he doesnt shower for weeks, he`ll still get smelly.
i still feel bad for the time i made him eat reese's,
he looked like his mouth was gonna fall to pieces.

if hes watching House or Friends, forget the talking,
hes not the kind of guy thats worth stalking.
he could drive his G35 forever and ever,
he named her janette thanks to me, whos so clever.

his favorite color's blue but sometimes green,
unlike mine which is right in between.
he came from canada but hes full korean,
hes definitely not anything european.
he likes to play basketball and during the winter he boards,
hes also played hockey but ive never seen any awards.

to sum it all up, hes quite the chill guy,
&i have to admit, this guy is pretty fly.
so i dedicate this blog to a certain cutie,
a guy who goes by the name newdy.

ugh.

so basically i feel like crap right now.

ive had these stomach aches that come & go frequently,
&i have no idea why.
it sucks, ill tell you that much.

next off,
i hate school.
i hate finals.
i hate grades.
it feels so useless to me & it only causes me constant stress.
i also hate asian parents.
they take over waay too much in their childs life.

so my fcking dad thinks that one of my friends is on crack.
like wtf, what kind of conversation starter is that.
then he starts questioning me asking me if i ever tried drugs.
then of course i say i havent.
then he gets all anal on my ass saying,
'oh well i want to believe you,
but youve lied to me before.'

... PLEASE. ANYONE that knows me well enough,
KNOWS i dont do drugs.
&my own family cant even tell ?
god it just gets me so pissed off.
now hes getting all asian on me & overprotective.
SIGHH.

next,
please dont try to lie to me & tell me that you dont have a girlfriend.
im not stupid, & i have my sources.
so dont think that you can get away with not telling me you have one
and then try flirting with me.
its not gonna work, cause thats not how i do.
if you want to cheat on your girlfriend,
go find some slut to do it with, but not me.


next, [i realize i keep repeating this word ..]
dont fuck with my emotions.
either you like me or you dont.
or youre interested.
but whatever it is,
dont say something like
"omg i really miss you, i want to be with you, etc."
THEN have the nerve to say something like,
"oh, i like you too, i suppose."
sigh.
i really dont know what you want from me,
but whatever it is, please tell me.
i can only figure out so much.
im not trying to bitch you out or anything.
i just .. idk.
i need to think things over still.

i just wrote this cause i was in a bad mood & my stomach hurts.
&for those that read these,
dont take them seriously.
it is just simply for me to vent my worries for the day.
dont think im this pissed off 24/7 lol.

to end on a better note,
the kiwins dance was hella funn &
i sooo cant wait til penn formal(X

more than anything,
i just need more days to get away from everything,
&oh idk, head to the park, go on the swings, gaze at stars.
.. /:

how to save a life.

so i know i cant be the only one,
where you get really into someone & youre talking 24/7,
missing the other individual constantly.
really close to dating, etc.

then out of nowhere,
it just dies.
you talk less.
never see each other.
stops running across your mind.

pretty soon, even your friendship dies.

kinda sad, isnt it ?
now not only are you left feeling lonely,
youre left with one less friend.

so i try patching things up.
try talking to him again.
then you can just feel it.
everything you once had just died.
the flame was put out.

sucks shit doesnt it ?
LOL i think so.
its not like i even like him anymore,
i just wish that he & i would talk again.
i miss him, as a friend, alot.
):

the worst part is,
is that its not even the first time its happened.
this happens quite often with old flings.
it just sucks.
so im just expressing its suckiness in this blog.


anywho.
never eat tofuttis.
or ANYTHING replacing dairy products with tofu.
NEVER.
TOFU CANT REPLACE DAIRY PRODUCTS.
common sense guys.



this ones short,
so as a last note:
it sucks when youre two friends are basically enemies.

stolen items.

SIGH.
dont you hate it when life is starting to look up,
the day seems brighter & you just feel all good inside,
then something hits you back into reality ?
yeah that happened today.

so me being the idiot that i am,
i just finished skating, & i was waiting outside for my dad to come pick me up.
i put my purse on my skate bag to put my hoodie on cause it was getting chilly.
i guess i forgot that i put it on there, cause my dad pulled up & i just rolled my bag to the car,
&drove home.
so im finally at home & i go to the backseat to reach for my purse, cause thats where it normally is.
then it wasnt there so i thought i put it in the trunk.
YEAH NO PURSE.
im just like wth.
so im unusually calm, cause my life was starting to look up & all that crap.
hahaha yeah right.

my dad drove back to the rink, & i start calling people.
NOW before i get into anymore detail, we`re gonna have a flashback.
*FLASHBACK*
its like 4pm, & im getting ready to leave for skating.
i usually take my dooney & bourke purse to the rink, but this time i felt like taking my purplke clutch.
so i put my stuff into my purple clutch.
i had about $22 on me, but for some reason i decided to leave the $20 bill at home.
i, unfortunately, put all my gift cards in there, my keys & my permit.
THANK HEAVENS i forgot to put my new eyeliner in there.
[yes i finally got a new eyeliner from sephora(X. so i dont have to keep using my lame eyeshadow.]
okay flash forward.
so my dad was at the rink, looking around for my purse.
he doesnt find it,
but a ways down, he finds all the pictures i had in there,
my id, my permit.
the gift cards were gone & so were my keys.
&the $2. -__-
my id was bent in half, & it seemed like whoever took my stuff tried bending my claires gift card lol.

so im kinda bummed i lost my gift cards, cause i had some pretty good ones.
i had an a&f, hollister, urban, 2 best buy, starbucks, amc [ i think i still have my other one], jamba juice, etc.
sigh.
was it REALLY necessary for me to be hit back into reality ?
couldnt i have kept my preferably desired material items ?
is that too much to ask for ?
apparently it is.
strange though, how i randomly decided i didnt want to take my designer purse to the rink,
&i decided at the last minute to take the $20 bill out.
so i guess i was partially spared.
because i would be a disaster if i lost my d&b bag.
oh dear lord all hell would break loose.
(X
ahahah.

so yeah, for everyone that wanted an update, there it is.
spanking new from like two hours ago.

continuing on & to clear things up:
yeah im going to penn formal with colin.
SEE YOU ALL THEREEEEE :D
still in search for a pv formal date.
so not implying anything to anyone specific, just trying to give an update.
still have hopes in going to souths b&w. ;D
PLUS two kiwins dances commin up.

SOOO dance scheduleee:
_1/26- penn formal.
_2/1- south kiwins dance.
_2/2- pv formal.
_2/18 ?- torrance kiwins dance.
_2/22- south black & white.

february is gonna be a hella good month(;
kk im done writing for now.
gotta focus on school, since its the new year & all... lol.
PEACE SUCKAASS.

p.s diamond division needs to have a dancee.
just throwing that out there.

hello beautiful.

hello beautiful--jonas brothers.

AMAZE-ing song. LOL.

so happy new year !
i hope everyone has an amazing 2008(:

so if i reflect on 2007,
i went through A LOT.
but in the end, i guess i came out okay.
&i know with 2008, im just gonna end up going through another rollercoaster.
as unknowing as it sounds, im kinda excited for it.
[yes i do realize the above sentence probably doesnt make sense.]

continuing on..
there is always the classic scenario with the girl, the nice guy, & the jerk.
the girl is like super close with the nice guy, but they never go out.
instead, the girl always goes for the jerk.
when the jerk breaks her heart, she goes crying to the nice guy.
the nice guy then has to pick her up, put her back together just so she can run off to another jerk.
where the same thing will happen again.
why is it that im forced into this classic scenario ?
why is it that the girl has to go for the "badass" guy & leave the sweet guy as her best friend ?
its sad how girls go into relationships, thinking they can actually CHANGE the guy.
yeah, FYI this is wrong.
you cant. so just give up. lol.
TRUST ME, it has happened multiple times to me.
what i dont understand, is why im never attracted to the guy im always venting to.
why am i always thinking about the guy whos just gonna screw me over ?
if anyone knows the answer to this, PLEASE notify me immediately.
the guy im always venting to is so sweet and caring,
the guy im always after only pretends to be.
&if you know who is reading this,
im sorry.
i am; i didnt mean to hurt you.
as kris osea & i call it,
you have reached the [dramatic music blaring] FRIEND ZONE.
dun dun dun.
LOL. yeah im retarded.

so as IMPOSSIBLE as it seems,
i really dont think i like anyone right now.
because boys are gross.
although still LTF.
AHAHAHA,(X

however, you could almost say things are starting to look up on an old friend.
one who i was close to dating, but it just never worked out.
he just recently kinda got me back on track for the kind of guy i SHOULD be looking for,
instead of changing my morals for him.
so thanks<3

plus my horoscope in like 3 different magazines said my "love interests" would end in december,
but a new guy would show up around january 7-9th( the dates varied with the magazine).
so maybe for once theyre right ?
HAHA yeeeah i know youre laughing because im following my horoscope.
i know that you all secretly read them & see if they come true !
hahaha.

that is all.
oh !
btw, scott jung's writing is intensely amazing. i love reading his blogs.